Monday, August 10, 2009

Let's see how long this lasts

I'm going to re-start my blog. I fight a malady of my own making to do it. After taking on an exciting enterprise, I follow it zealously, completely, and determinedly until I stop. Why, oh why do I stop?

I stopped this blog on May 17, 2009.

Why do I stop so suddenly, so assuredly, and so completely? I am not sure, but I have some theories. Like so many other problems, my inclination is to study the problem in the finest detail. By knowing the problem, I find my resolution. Why does my motivation deflate like a punctured balloon? It might be a simple problem of boredom. Once I have mastered the media and I feel I have nothing to learn, I may not be able to maintain the momentum.

Or perhaps, recognition stops me cold.

I had just come to the point where I shared my blog with a person I admired deeply. I was exposing my work, my "self" to an external audience for the first time. I received some fine words of praise. I allowed myself the thought that I might have built something worthwhile, beyond the audience of one. Then I stopped.

I am reminded of one of Grimm's fairy tales, of a poor cobbler who had a sudden change of fortune. During the night all his work from the night before would be done. He prospered from this unexpected fortune, so decided to find out the why. Elves, barefoot, were laboring in his shop overnight. Grateful, he crafted small shoes for the industrious elves. That night, the elves celebrated their good fortune in song, then left, never to return. The now wealthy cobbler was happy to let them go. He had his good fortune and did a good deed as well.

I have always felt a deep connection to those elves, laboring through the night, unrecognized. I wondered why they could not bask in their good fortune, and remain? Perhaps that one ray of light was all they needed, and any more would be unbearable.

Anyways, I give myself lots to think on.

Let's see if I will be back tomorrow.