Thursday, September 25, 2014

Wings to Fly while Roots Run Deep

I am moved to take a few young adults in to my circle - to mentor, support, and encourage. Every single one of you - and you know who you are - are destined to do very well. You are hard working, kind, carrying yourself with integrity. You are coming in to your own with perhaps less than perfect support, but you are survivors.

I remember how uncertain I was in my twenties, coming to terms with the absolute consequence of failure. Sometimes I felt utterly alone. I saw my own children graduate from their uncertainty, too, through their twenties. One of the great treats of motherhood was to see my children come fully in to their own in their thirties; confident in who they were, their dreams and ambitions so unique to them. I am determined to pass on the same heritage to you.

You have an Auntie watching over you, cheering from the sidelines. You are strong and lovely. I see your hard work and your kindnesses.

  • My own weakness is books so I might make a recommendation here or there. I don't want these suggestions to be a burden, so I will offer a Cole's Notes summary of what that book taught me, and why I think you might benefit. 
  • For wings, I will instruct on resiliency. Many of you have this already, so I will simply explain why this ability will carry you through to success. 
  • For wings, I will cheer on your successes and remind you of your strengths. 
  • For roots, I will build a mythos of shared history. I will tell family stories of heroes who accomplished great things. There are roots of greatness in all of us. This will be your power.
  • For roots, we will build shared tradition. Some way I will find to visit each one of you, at the very least once a year.
You may have guessed that my drive to give support at this time of your lives comes out of a shared history. My own mother in her weakness could not give, only take. It took me a long time to reconcile myself to that loss of what might have been. I had all the love that a daughter could give, but my poor mother could not see it as freely given. It made me very alone at times, and I had to beat away the bitterness. But I did find great friends, mentors, and the motherly along the way.  

I promise also not just to talk about books. 

My first recommendation, The Time Paradox by Philip Zimbardo. The happiest people are those who are anchored in the present allowing a little hedonism, have warm memories of shared traditions of the past, and ambitions for the future.

When I scored myself for my time perspective (the link above has a quiz) I saw that I was pessimistic about my past. This was holding me back. I decided instead to pay attention to the warm traditions that I enjoyed, I have experienced since a lifting of old burdens and a letting go of past hurts. When I walk lighter, I can do more things I enjoy. 

Find your joy.