Waking Up Strategies

This is my fifth blog in a series on loving and supporting a loved-one who is snared in a destructive life choice. This blog is heavily centred on the Witnesses which I have the most experience with. If you are dealing with another destructive group, you will have to research the origins and beliefs of your particular group.

You are in love with your Witness, you have a good relationship with open communication, and you are looking for strategies to help your partner “wake up” and exit the Witnesses. First of all - I take this suggestion from Steve Hassan - broaden your ambition to help your Witness awaken and think for him/herself. Don’t we all want to be alert, mindful, thoughtful, and self-determined? Our loved-ones deserve this.  

Before you start, you must understand the difference between the put-on cultic personality and the natural personality of your Witness. Read one of Steve Hassan’s books first. Get to know your partner and all the characteristics and features of her natural personality. This can be found in your partner’s background, even if she was born-in. What are her hobbies, interests, passions? Did she give up a particular talent in favor of the demands of the Jehovah’s Witnesses?

DON’T

• Freak out in front of your Witness over what you find out about the Watchtower Society. Your Witness has been warned to look out for this and to attribute this to the influence of Satan. Do you want your partner looking at you like you are the devil incarnate?
• Point out hypocrisy. The demands of the Watchtower Society are simply inhuman and most Witnesses skim around the rules as long as they don’t get caught. If you do call him on it, he will become more cultic and robotic. 

DO

• Figure out yourself what exactly is wrong with the Witnesses. Learn to spot logical fallacies and deceptive reasoning in their materials.
• Add activities to your week that have nothing to do with the Witnesses.
• Broaden your social contacts so she has more evidence of normal, and a new network to depend on when their Witness friends turn their backs.
• Pick issues that are important to your Witness. Have you done your basic review of your partner’s natural personality?
• Ask open-ended questions without a simple answer.
• Use neutral examples from groups that are not Witnesses such as the Catholics, Mormons, Amish and Scientologists.
• Allow silence to do it’s work. A silent Witness is a thinking Witness.
• Honor their thought-out opinions, even if he comes to a different conclusion than you. You may challenge his conclusion with a little socratic questioning, but retain respect always for his right to independent thought.
• Use humor to break down barriers.

Issues:

False prophet - http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/jehovahs-prophet.php
Cover up of sex abuse
Discouraging college education
Prohibition of blood - www.ajwrb.org
Shunning of former members

Resources:

Family Member Evaluation Form - Freedom of Mind by Steve Hassan
books by Steve Hassan
Rhetological Fallacies (poster) - Information Is Beautiful

All topics:

Help, I am in love with a....
Decision - Leave or Stay
Decision - Pick Your Strategy
Domestic Detente
Waking Up Strategies
Relationship Building
Community
Positive Influence
Coercion
Negotiating With Hostiles